This journey really began after Daniel was born. After
having what I thought was a relatively normal delivery I soon learned that I
actually got the short end of the stick. I slowly started my journey towards my
healing birth after realizing it didn’t have to be the way it turned out. The
hospital experience and the recovery were hard but I kept telling myself that
it was normal. Here is a synopsis of the things that happened that I believe
could and/or should have been avoided:
1. Induction because I was dilated enough and on my
due date- this started it all. My OB was the doc in the hospital that night and
wanted to deliver my baby. I was at 4cm dilated so that was enough to have me
admitted to the hospital. I wish I had known better and that the doc would have
also. I never got to experience a natural contraction. Which led to…
2. Pitocin = super strong contractions that didn’t
really work. Which led to…
3. Water being forcibly broken. This isn’t always a
bad thing but in my case it was only done because I wasn’t progressing fast
enough for my doc. This also made my contractions so strong that I could not
breathe through them. Which led to…
4. Epidural. I didn’t set out wanting one because I
wanted to be in control. Well, even though the anesthesiologist was very talented
and did it perfectly, I lost complete control of my legs. Which led to…
5. Not being able to move from the bed. I wanted to
try different positions. Even though I did not know enough to say no to the
induction, I knew that changing positions would help.
6. The epidural also led to me not having any way
of knowing when I was contracting and when it was time to push. I had to be
told when to push.
7. 2 episiotomies. Ouch.
8. No immediate skin to skin
9. Breathing problems for Daniel
10. Nursing
problems
11. Not
fitting in my hospital bed (too tall) for an entire day. I had to sit
cross-legged which is terrible anyway but especially so because of the
episiotomies
12. Having
to take Percocet for recovery which is known to cause constipation- something
that is already a problem after birth without the extra binding
13. Traumatic
first post partum bowel movement
14. Chronic
hemorrhoids
Is
it any wonder that I wanted things different the next time?
I
can’t tell you when I really decided that I wanted a home birth for my next
one. It was a slow and steady change of heart. David joined me along the way on
his own journey and soon we found out that we were pregnant. Then miscarried.
Then pregnant immediately again. We knew this would be our chance to change our
hearts and minds towards what birth could actually be.
The
pregnancy was not without its drama. We found out the day before David left for
Qatar. He came back and we met a midwife in Fallbrook (provider #1) who excited
us about wonderful and changing this experience could be. We moved to Tehachapi
(provider #2). Moved to Louisville (provider #3). Moved back to Tehachapi and
found a closer midwife here (provider #4) while still keeping in contact with
the midwife in Fallbrook.
After
a lot of back and forth between midwives around Tehachapi and the Fallbrook
midwife we finally came to the decision that the Fallbrook midwife would be the
primary if she was able to make it in time (3 hour drive) and I would have my
prenatals with the Bakersfield midwife. David and I both really bonded with the
Fallbrook midwife so we were very hesitant to let her go, plus she offered to
drive the distance to birth this baby because she knew how much it meant to us.
The
last few weeks of pregnancy were particularly uncomfortable for my body. Yes, I
was measuring noticeably smaller this pregnancy than with Daniel but that did
not really lessen the discomfort I had. I couldn’t sleep, I was limping some
days because my hips were so out of whack, and I had lost complete control of
my bladder (luckily I had to pee so often that if I did have an accident it was
usually not very much). Tuesday night I told my husband it was time to get
things moving, time for some work in the bedroom. Well, not sure if that was
what did it or not but…
5:00
am I start feeling some mild cramping, like period cramps but not hard enough
to fully wake me up.
6:15
am I am awake and the cramps are getting strong enough to keep me awake, plus
Daniel just woke up so he’s going to crawl into bed with me to put on a show
while I rest.
6:30am
David leaves for work
6:40am
I have to take my phone back from him because these cramps are starting to curl
my toes so I’m pretty sure this is it (remember I never got to feel a natural
contraction so I was going in somewhat blind to this). Its time to call my midwife.
6:55am
My midwife agrees this is probably the real thing and asks me to time them
7:10
Call David back home from work
7:15am
Update my midwife. She is going to start getting packed up and ready to go with
her assistant
7:16am
Call my mom
7:20
go downstairs to eat an apple and turn a show on for Daniel while I labor on
the couch
8:00am
David gets home from work
8:15am
Midwife and assistant are on the road
8:20
Water breaks. “David!! I think my water just broke!”
8:23
Call the midwife to say water just broke. Midwife tells David to call the
Bakersfield midwife
And
the fun begins!
We
could not get a hold of the Bakersfield midwife and it takes an hour from her
house to get to ours. Her voice message said to contact her back up midwife.
She had just had a baby so she didn’t answer either. David calls the
Bakersfield midwife back and leaves a message that my water had broken. I think
the worry in his voice really got her attention because she got back to us
fairly quickly after that. Her phone had been left in the other room. She
quickly got a baby sitter for her kids and rushed out the door.
David
also called his mom at this point to get Daniel but didn’t actually mention
that my water had just broken and I was in labor. All he said was that I wasn’t
feeling well. Ha, understatement.
Meanwhile…
I
was sitting on the toilet letting more water come out along with the mucous
when the contractions started to get so strong that I just wanted to get back
into bed and lie down. David and I went upstairs, laid down the drop cloth
{contraction… breathing…}, put the spare sheet over the top, put down the bed
pads and I climbed up as best I could. I sat there on the pads in the fetal
position facing the window and the clock. The contractions were about 2-3
minutes apart at this point and I was starting to groan through each one.
Daniel was on the window side of the bed watching me saying “Mommy goes (grunt
grunt).” Yes, sweetheart, mommy definitely was.
During
all this Daniel got diarrhea and it got on the carpet. David had to leave me to
clean him up. I could smell it from my room, it was terrible. After he got
cleaned up, David took him downstairs to put a show on to hopefully keep him
company until David’s mom came. I would say its about 9:00 at this point. She had
run some errands on the way here because she didn’t know I was in labor, she
just thought I wanted a day off to rest. Details, David! Luckily she brought
David’s younger siblings with her so they were able to play with Daniel
downstairs so she could stay upstairs in our room and help support David
through my contractions.
We’re
calling the Bakersfield midwife about every 5-10 minutes. Where are you now??
I’m
still on my side in fetal position, now with a bucket within arms reach because
I threw up once and it felt like I would have more. Soon the contractions were
so strong that my body started pushing. Crap, its about 9:15, I can feel the
pressure from the head when I contract and the midwife is about halfway here.
David starts to get a little more anxious that he’s going to have to deliver
this baby. I tell him I can’t move and everything will be okay, just give me
more counter-pressure on my hips and keep rubbing my feet.
Soon
these contractions are about a minute apart and they are so wildly intense that
all I was saying at this point was “I just want a ten minute break!” My
guttural moans were starting to get pretty loud that David was worried but I
told him it was helping. I started to shake and cry. With each contraction I would feel how close the head
was and pull away the bloody mucous. David’s mom kept telling both of us we
were doing great while she was in and out of the room taking care of the
kiddos. At about 9:35 we were told by the midwife that she was exiting the
highway. David’s mom stayed outside to make sure she didn’t have to find which
apartment was ours since she had never been here.
At
9:45 she rushes upstairs and asks for gloves. Uh… our other midwife didn’t ask
us to get any. She searches through her kit and finds a pair. She comes over to
me and tells me I need to sit up and open up my hips or the baby will not come
out. I don’t want to move but if its going to get this baby out then I’m doing
it. I lean up against the
backboard of the bed and try to relax my hips into the right posture but it is
so hard. The contractions were right on top of each other. I’m finally able to
let my hips sink down. With the next contraction she tells me that I should be
delivering the head with the contraction that follows. I still just wanted a
break at this point. We got through that contraction and I tried to prepare
myself for the next contraction, which soon followed. I gave my best groan when
the next one started and focused on that head coming out. The midwife used some
olive oil to help with the stretching. The next contraction started and as it
was going I thought for sure his head would not be coming out, why was this
taking so long, this is such a unique and indescribable feeling, then poof
his head was out then the body and every negative feeling or pain was instantly
gone. Sweet relief spilled over me and all I felt was complete joy and
connection.
We
put him straight to my chest with a towel over him and that’s where he stayed
for the next two hours. He was perfect. The morning, with all its drama, was
perfect. I have the entire day to rest with this perfect new thing.
Had
I not stayed on my side with my knees together that long I probably would have
birthed the baby without the midwife. But I’m so glad she came when she did. In
a way I was grateful for how much the process was in my hands. I was in
control. What a whirlwind of a morning that was and one of the hardest, if not
the hardest, things I have done to date.
I
did have a tear on one of my episiotomy lines and a very minor tear but
everything turned out marvelously. I haven’t needed any pain killers. I have
the typical recovery symptoms with a vaginal birth but I’m so thankful that
this time should be a significantly shorter recovery besides the tear.
Daniel
was a little scared of coming into our room after the baby was born. The
transition was difficult for him the day it happened but he has done a wonderful
job with mommy having to stay in bed and hold a different baby. One of the
first things he said after the baby came was “I share mommy now.” He loves to
hold his little brother and give him kisses. I love my Daniel.
I
am so thankful that I got to experience everything about birth this time. I
know what my body does and I know what my mind does. I can do hard things. I do
feel like I got the chance to heal and I’m so glad we were given it.
Now
I get to stare at my super cute little boy and remember all the preparation
that went in to bringing him here safely and in a way that we could (mostly) control and experience positively. He is just perfect and hitting every
milestone that he needs to each day to show how healthy he is.
David
told me he would be just fine having a home birth again, but if we do then we
will definitely have to notify the midwife sooner and/or live in a place where
the closest midwife is less than an hour away. I’m just so glad that he was
able to be the anchor that I needed in preparation and during labor. He is
always so good at buoying me up when I need it most. We do it for each other. I’m
just so happy with our sweet experience even with the ups and downs.
