Our Healing Birth

This journey really began after Daniel was born. After having what I thought was a relatively normal delivery I soon learned that I actually got the short end of the stick. I slowly started my journey towards my healing birth after realizing it didn’t have to be the way it turned out. The hospital experience and the recovery were hard but I kept telling myself that it was normal. Here is a synopsis of the things that happened that I believe could and/or should have been avoided:

1. Induction because I was dilated enough and on my due date- this started it all. My OB was the doc in the hospital that night and wanted to deliver my baby. I was at 4cm dilated so that was enough to have me admitted to the hospital. I wish I had known better and that the doc would have also. I never got to experience a natural contraction. Which led to…

2. Pitocin = super strong contractions that didn’t really work. Which led to…

3.  Water being forcibly broken. This isn’t always a bad thing but in my case it was only done because I wasn’t progressing fast enough for my doc. This also made my contractions so strong that I could not breathe through them. Which led to…

4. Epidural. I didn’t set out wanting one because I wanted to be in control. Well, even though the anesthesiologist was very talented and did it perfectly, I lost complete control of my legs. Which led to…

5.  Not being able to move from the bed. I wanted to try different positions. Even though I did not know enough to say no to the induction, I knew that changing positions would help.

6. The epidural also led to me not having any way of knowing when I was contracting and when it was time to push. I had to be told when to push.

7. 2 episiotomies. Ouch.

8. No immediate skin to skin

9. Breathing problems for Daniel

10. Nursing problems

11. Not fitting in my hospital bed (too tall) for an entire day. I had to sit cross-legged which is terrible anyway but especially so because of the episiotomies

12. Having to take Percocet for recovery which is known to cause constipation- something that is already a problem after birth without the extra binding

13. Traumatic first post partum bowel movement

14. Chronic hemorrhoids

Is it any wonder that I wanted things different the next time?

I can’t tell you when I really decided that I wanted a home birth for my next one. It was a slow and steady change of heart. David joined me along the way on his own journey and soon we found out that we were pregnant. Then miscarried. Then pregnant immediately again. We knew this would be our chance to change our hearts and minds towards what birth could actually be.

The pregnancy was not without its drama. We found out the day before David left for Qatar. He came back and we met a midwife in Fallbrook (provider #1) who excited us about wonderful and changing this experience could be. We moved to Tehachapi (provider #2). Moved to Louisville (provider #3). Moved back to Tehachapi and found a closer midwife here (provider #4) while still keeping in contact with the midwife in Fallbrook.

After a lot of back and forth between midwives around Tehachapi and the Fallbrook midwife we finally came to the decision that the Fallbrook midwife would be the primary if she was able to make it in time (3 hour drive) and I would have my prenatals with the Bakersfield midwife. David and I both really bonded with the Fallbrook midwife so we were very hesitant to let her go, plus she offered to drive the distance to birth this baby because she knew how much it meant to us.

The last few weeks of pregnancy were particularly uncomfortable for my body. Yes, I was measuring noticeably smaller this pregnancy than with Daniel but that did not really lessen the discomfort I had. I couldn’t sleep, I was limping some days because my hips were so out of whack, and I had lost complete control of my bladder (luckily I had to pee so often that if I did have an accident it was usually not very much). Tuesday night I told my husband it was time to get things moving, time for some work in the bedroom. Well, not sure if that was what did it or not but…

5:00 am I start feeling some mild cramping, like period cramps but not hard enough to fully wake me up.

6:15 am I am awake and the cramps are getting strong enough to keep me awake, plus Daniel just woke up so he’s going to crawl into bed with me to put on a show while I rest.

6:30am David leaves for work

6:40am I have to take my phone back from him because these cramps are starting to curl my toes so I’m pretty sure this is it (remember I never got to feel a natural contraction so I was going in somewhat blind to this). Its time to call my midwife.

6:55am My midwife agrees this is probably the real thing and asks me to time them

7:10 Call David back home from work

7:15am Update my midwife. She is going to start getting packed up and ready to go with her assistant

7:16am Call my mom

7:20 go downstairs to eat an apple and turn a show on for Daniel while I labor on the couch

8:00am David gets home from work

8:15am Midwife and assistant are on the road

8:20 Water breaks. “David!! I think my water just broke!”

8:23 Call the midwife to say water just broke. Midwife tells David to call the Bakersfield midwife

And the fun begins!

We could not get a hold of the Bakersfield midwife and it takes an hour from her house to get to ours. Her voice message said to contact her back up midwife. She had just had a baby so she didn’t answer either. David calls the Bakersfield midwife back and leaves a message that my water had broken. I think the worry in his voice really got her attention because she got back to us fairly quickly after that. Her phone had been left in the other room. She quickly got a baby sitter for her kids and rushed out the door.

David also called his mom at this point to get Daniel but didn’t actually mention that my water had just broken and I was in labor. All he said was that I wasn’t feeling well. Ha, understatement.

Meanwhile…

I was sitting on the toilet letting more water come out along with the mucous when the contractions started to get so strong that I just wanted to get back into bed and lie down. David and I went upstairs, laid down the drop cloth {contraction… breathing…}, put the spare sheet over the top, put down the bed pads and I climbed up as best I could. I sat there on the pads in the fetal position facing the window and the clock. The contractions were about 2-3 minutes apart at this point and I was starting to groan through each one. Daniel was on the window side of the bed watching me saying “Mommy goes (grunt grunt).” Yes, sweetheart, mommy definitely was.

During all this Daniel got diarrhea and it got on the carpet. David had to leave me to clean him up. I could smell it from my room, it was terrible. After he got cleaned up, David took him downstairs to put a show on to hopefully keep him company until David’s mom came. I would say its about 9:00 at this point. She had run some errands on the way here because she didn’t know I was in labor, she just thought I wanted a day off to rest. Details, David! Luckily she brought David’s younger siblings with her so they were able to play with Daniel downstairs so she could stay upstairs in our room and help support David through my contractions.

We’re calling the Bakersfield midwife about every 5-10 minutes. Where are you now??

I’m still on my side in fetal position, now with a bucket within arms reach because I threw up once and it felt like I would have more. Soon the contractions were so strong that my body started pushing. Crap, its about 9:15, I can feel the pressure from the head when I contract and the midwife is about halfway here. David starts to get a little more anxious that he’s going to have to deliver this baby. I tell him I can’t move and everything will be okay, just give me more counter-pressure on my hips and keep rubbing my feet.

Soon these contractions are about a minute apart and they are so wildly intense that all I was saying at this point was “I just want a ten minute break!” My guttural moans were starting to get pretty loud that David was worried but I told him it was helping. I started to shake and cry. With each contraction I would feel how close the head was and pull away the bloody mucous. David’s mom kept telling both of us we were doing great while she was in and out of the room taking care of the kiddos. At about 9:35 we were told by the midwife that she was exiting the highway. David’s mom stayed outside to make sure she didn’t have to find which apartment was ours since she had never been here.

At 9:45 she rushes upstairs and asks for gloves. Uh… our other midwife didn’t ask us to get any. She searches through her kit and finds a pair. She comes over to me and tells me I need to sit up and open up my hips or the baby will not come out. I don’t want to move but if its going to get this baby out then I’m doing it.  I lean up against the backboard of the bed and try to relax my hips into the right posture but it is so hard. The contractions were right on top of each other. I’m finally able to let my hips sink down. With the next contraction she tells me that I should be delivering the head with the contraction that follows. I still just wanted a break at this point. We got through that contraction and I tried to prepare myself for the next contraction, which soon followed. I gave my best groan when the next one started and focused on that head coming out. The midwife used some olive oil to help with the stretching. The next contraction started and as it was going I thought for sure his head would not be coming out, why was this taking so long, this is such a unique and indescribable feeling, then poof his head was out then the body and every negative feeling or pain was instantly gone. Sweet relief spilled over me and all I felt was complete joy and connection.

We put him straight to my chest with a towel over him and that’s where he stayed for the next two hours. He was perfect. The morning, with all its drama, was perfect. I have the entire day to rest with this perfect new thing.

Had I not stayed on my side with my knees together that long I probably would have birthed the baby without the midwife. But I’m so glad she came when she did. In a way I was grateful for how much the process was in my hands. I was in control. What a whirlwind of a morning that was and one of the hardest, if not the hardest, things I have done to date.

I did have a tear on one of my episiotomy lines and a very minor tear but everything turned out marvelously. I haven’t needed any pain killers. I have the typical recovery symptoms with a vaginal birth but I’m so thankful that this time should be a significantly shorter recovery besides the tear.

Daniel was a little scared of coming into our room after the baby was born. The transition was difficult for him the day it happened but he has done a wonderful job with mommy having to stay in bed and hold a different baby. One of the first things he said after the baby came was “I share mommy now.” He loves to hold his little brother and give him kisses. I love my Daniel.

I am so thankful that I got to experience everything about birth this time. I know what my body does and I know what my mind does. I can do hard things. I do feel like I got the chance to heal and I’m so glad we were given it.

Now I get to stare at my super cute little boy and remember all the preparation that went in to bringing him here safely and in a way that we could (mostly) control and experience positively. He is just perfect and hitting every milestone that he needs to each day to show how healthy he is.

David told me he would be just fine having a home birth again, but if we do then we will definitely have to notify the midwife sooner and/or live in a place where the closest midwife is less than an hour away. I’m just so glad that he was able to be the anchor that I needed in preparation and during labor. He is always so good at buoying me up when I need it most. We do it for each other. I’m just so happy with our sweet experience even with the ups and downs.