So here it goes, I'm going to try to get through this without a negative slant to everything. Thats what lack of sleep has done to me.
Here is a picture, thanks to Kirstin for making each of the monthly onsies:
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| He was so distracted by the sun through the window that I didn't get a super cute photo but this shows how long he is. |
He loves going on walks-- David will wear the Boba with him and I will wear the Moby. He always falls asleep, sometimes faster than others.
He will nurse without a nipple shield on the left but fights be so bad on the right that I have to use it on that side
Sometimes when he's crying and I start talking to him, he'll stop for a few seconds and smile at me, then keep crying.
I don't know his measurements, we don't have a dr's appt until next month. If I had to guess I'd say he's at least 11 lbs and 24 inches.
He almost fits the whole width of the pack n play from head to toe. The crib might go up sooner than expected. I'll miss the newborn napper though, he sleeps so well in that!
He's starting to find his voice, I've gotten a handful of coos out of him.
He will fight sleep like no other (daytime)-- boo
The longest he's gone without eating is 4.5 hours, that night was great except for when my boobs woke me up before Daniel did.
His blue eyes are coming in!
He has to hold on to something when I'm nursing him. Usually its the neck of my shirt.
I got his first non-hysterically crying bath in last night. Here's to hoping there are more!
He smiles like crazy in his sleep, he'll even laugh. Thats my favorite moment to catch.
He has so many facial expressions!
Usually he is on a good routine instigated almost entirely by him: eat every 3 hours.
Mornings suck. I'm always exhausted from the night and he loves to be wide awake and fuss enough to occupy me. This morning he was awake for 4.5 hours before finally falling back asleep. Needless to say all I've done so far is eat a Nutrigrain bar.
Here is a cute photo to remind me of how I get through each day:
I know so many are saying on both sides whether or not he looks like a Foster or a Nordstrom. To be completely honest, I see him the most, all his facial expressions, and I don't think he looks distinctly like one or the other. He just looks like himself, like Daniel, he's got his own look. I know its natural for both sides to say this and I don't know why it bothers me, but he's both and he looks like both.
I was going to come on here saying how I think its a load of BS for moms to say how wonderful being a mom is. Well guess what, I don't think its wonderful yet. Its plain hard and exhausting. It does have its wonderful moments, but its honestly the hardest thing I've ever done... and I've done some difficult things in my life. I also hear how it will get better, this time will pass, yada yada. I hope for my sanity's sake it does. Being a mother is seriously the most selfless thing I've ever done.
Go ahead and say I have PPD, I don't think I do. I think I'm just tired and I have a good reason to be. Did you see how cute he is? Yeah, I made that, I grew that and I continue to grow that.
If you do decide to comment, be gentle and tactful please. I have a bit of a short fuse these days. Maybe next month will be a funner post, I'm sure that will be dependent on his sleeping patters.
13 comments:
Sigh~I hear you! It is so challenging when you are not getting enough sleep. We had such a terrible time getting Wyatt to sleep. He woke up every 30-45 minutes for naps and during the night for over six months, then I developed insomnia... It feels difficult to be happy/positive about anything when you are so exhausted!! Sure there are moments, but it's hard to enjoy them! I'm amazed you were able to blog! I'll give you a call and see if we can arrange a time for some relief for Britta!
Oh mama. It IS hard, isn't it?! First of all, I don't think anyone enjoys life 100% of the time, so it's completely normal to not enjoy motherhood 100% of the time either. Not to say there aren't some really special times though! Sometimes it will be more good than bad, and other times it will be more challanging than rewarding.
Second, whether Daniel sleeps 10 mintues or 10 hours straight is not a reflection of how good or bad you are at motherhood. He is an individual, just like you said. He's not all David or all you, but he is his own special little person, and he is still trying to adjust to the world. All he knows is you; his mama, so just keep doing the best you can and it will be enough. :) Try not to compare Daniel to other babies, and don't compare yourself to other moms. It was hard for me to hear that my friends' babes would sleep so long or have wonderful nap times, or be amazing eaters, etc. It made me feel so inadequate as a new mom. It wasn't their fault that I was so awkward with a newborn, yet it still made me feel "less-than." People would give me advice and I would follow it to a "T" and it wouldn't work. It was so frustrating. I desperately wanted to be good at motherhood.
I know that well-meaning friends, family and even doctors can claim to have special tips and tricks to help your baby. They'll say, "oh just do this, and he will sleep," or "try xyz, it worked for my baby, and many others..." but the point is that their baby is not Daniel. There are people and authors who claim to be experts on child-rearing but the fact is: YOU are the expert on Daniel. You may have only really known him for 7 weeks officially, but you had a relationship with him in the womb and your spirits have known each other for much much longer than that as well. Trust that Heavenly Father has given you special gifts, and the most important is mother's intuition and ability to listen to the Spirit. Do what works for you and Daniel and you two will develop a beautiful relationship that will last forever. So remember, you are the expert on Daniel.
Whether you think you are doing a good job or not, remember that you ARE doing it. You haven't given up. You put on foot in front of the other and keep going. You don't have to do it with a smile, as long as you are trying your best... which it seems like you are! So cut yourself some slack. It is tough. Adjusting to motherhood is hard. No doubt you love Daniel. You love him enough to sacrifice your body, your time, your energy, your sleep and so many other things. So focus on that. You've got lots of love to give. :) Love you Britta. You're doing a great job. Hang in there and remember that you're not alone!
Kat's words are beautiful and so true. We sure love you and Daniel! Motherhood is tough. You give so much of your self. Daniel is so blessed to have such a special mommy.
Newborn stage, hands down, sucks. Period. I never envy anyone with a brand new baby because it's flippin hard, nursing hurts, you don't sleep, and as a new mom everyone wants to give you unsolicited advice and the only thing it seems to do is make you feel patronized and inadequate.
That said, I have no advice for how to make your baby sleep or be happy. After 4, I've come to realize how particular each one is. However, it's often nice to have an "end" in mind in regards to sleepless/fussiness. So with newborns I have a personal countdown for 6 weeks. It seems like the peak of fussiness/sleeplessness is 6 weeks old and then it GRADUALLY peters out, and then eventually you have a manageable infant on your hands.
We moms make it through this craziness because we just don't have a choice. And never beat yourself up for hating it. You're allowed to dislike the difficulty, and at times to resent your child when you've had a particularly rough go of it. It's important to feel what you feel and not judge yourself for it. I know I certainly don't.
Hugs to you!
I love you, I'm sorry........and I always wished that mine had come with an owners manuel, something to help me know what to do and when (darn)......Love you forever!! Keepin' you all in my prayers!!
Love you britta! Hope you got my email! I second what KAT said too!
You are totally justified in feeling what you are feeling! I also second Kat's comments. Just keep on keeping on. There will be a light at the end of the tunnel eventually. Praying for ya.
I love my darlin' daughter sooo much. I know this is difficult, but I too, love what Kat shared with you. It is amazing sometimes that we can functional at ALL with the amount of sleep. I am here for you and precious Daniel every step of the way. You are all in our prayers, constantly. Kisses to you, Daniel, and daddy, David!!!
I would love to come watch your sweet baby so you can get a nap in. Would that be ok?
I have always said that this stage is the hardest. I do not handle little to no sleep very well so I was a wreck for the first few months. And some babies are just harder then others. I'll admit I hated it.
I love babies as soon as they are more mobile (for my boys 9 months and on). I swear that was the magic age for me when I really started enjoying motherhood. (it got easier before then but I just really loved that age!)
I know people keep telling you it will get better (which it will) but that doesn't always help in the moment. Eventually he will start sleeping more, I promise!
You are a great mom and it is ok to admit that motherhood is not always fun because that's the truth!
I love seeing all the pictures you post of him on facebook. He is a cutie!
Britta! I am sorry it's been so rough. When you were just about to give birth I kept looking at you and thinking "Oh man, her life is going to get really hard!" Obviously it's worth it, but trust me, it happens to all of us. I am sure there is no mother out there that hasn't felt this way! Now maybe you see why I always wanted you and David to watch Carter so I could take a nap, or shower, or clean. If you need me to watch him while you take a nap, let me know. I'm just two flights of stairs away (for now). Good luck! I will be praying for you and little Daniel.
He is so handsome! It makes me feel better to hear that not everyone posts life as a mom is awesome and all roses because it just doesn't sound realistic to me. I imagine it WILL be hard when I finally have a kid. I hope you get some more sleep soon.
Oh Britta I absolutely LOVE this honest post because mothers these days give me the impression that havin and raising that infant is just as easy as making it. So I have been thinking, wow I really want one! But thank you for the eye opener, i definitely don't want to go shopping at a sperm bank anymore. LOL! But you are so wonderful Britta and you made such a wonderful lil man. I pray that things will only get better for you honey bun. I love you lots!!!
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