4 months

I'm getting so big!  I don't know Daniel's stats are but if I had to guess I'd say he's about 18-19lbs and 28 inches.  He doesn't have a 4month appointment because is ped is doing some charitable work in Africa until the end of the month.

Here are some updates on

SLEEP
He still is a horrible sleeper.  Most nights weren't too bad though.  He would wake up 2-3 times at night, eat for about 10 minutes, then fall back asleep until the next time so I really wouldn't be awake for long.
The last week or so he has gotten even worse.  I've heard this might be the "4 month wakeful" period.  The last 3 nights he's woken up 5-6 times and won't fall back asleep as easily.
I feel like I've tried everything, 5 S's, putting him down somewhat awake, no swaddle, 1 arm swaddle, double swaddle.  No luck.
I'm not a big fan of rice cereal.  In my opinion, its just a filler and is unnecessary.  That's just my opinion so if you love it please don't get offended.  I'd rather get less sleep and give him more of my breastmilk.  I only bring this up because we won't be using it so if you're going to try to give us suggestions you know this one is a no-go.
Also he is not a very good napper, he won't sleep for more than 30 minutes or so if I'm not there next to him to pat his belly back to sleep or bounce him back to sleep.  So also I don't 'sleep while baby sleeps' because unless I fall asleep on my own it takes me about 20 minutes to fall asleep and a 10 minute nap isn't very productive.  Every time I hear this suggestion I just have to laugh quietly inside because it doesn't work.

PLAY
He's starting to get tired of his play gym.  Its sad because that would usually buy me about 20 minutes to get some work done.
The exersaucer is still not one of his favorites but sometimes he will enjoy it for about 10-15 minutes
The johnny jumper is his favorite.  We have to watch him closely in it though because he has run into the doorway a few times with his head.  When he doesn't have mishaps like that he can stay in there for 30+ minutes just wandering and looking around

We actually had to get him a new one because that one was from kid to kid and the band that it hangs from snapped while he was in it and he fell down.  Tough guy just looked up at us and didn't know what to do.  He was just fine.
Floor time: he loves playing on his back with his toys.  He is getting a lot more coordinated with his arms to where he can reach straight for the toy instead of having to swing his arm around and eventually reach the toy.  He is still a whiz kid at rolling onto his belly.  It takes him a little bit longer to start fussing once he gets there but we keep him on his belly for about 5 minutes at a time more or less depending on his disposition.  I really want him to be able to figure out how to roll onto his back again from his belly.  He hasn't done it since week 6.  Although I kind of don't want him to know back to belly and belly to back because that means he'll soon be rolling all over the place which means some baby proofing would be in order and I'm not ready for that.
He loves it when I take him out on the lawn and let him play outside.  Its so fun for him and it gets us both some fresh air.

EATING
He still has his nursing sessions where he fights me but those are becoming fewer.  Now we're dealing with boredom and distractions.  Luckily he eats so much faster now so he's done in about 10 minutes and he's good to go for about 3 hours.
Last night we were at the park with some friends who have a 6 mo old.  They gave her a piece of carrot stalk to suck/chew on and she made the most adorable disgusted face.  David and I were so curious what Daniel would do.  We asked them when they started giving her the stalks and they said 4 months so we figure we would try it out with Daniel.  He took it like a champ.  He didn't chew on it but it was his favorite thing to suck on for the rest of that night.  It was fun to watch him try to stick it in his mouth.  I think he'll be more than ready for solids in 2 months.

GROWING
I had to go through all this clothes the other day and retire everything 0-3 and 3-6m.  There was this one outfit I was so excited for him to wear when he got it but I forgot to filter it through and once I found it at the bottom of the drawer it was too late.  He was too long, broad, and chubby for it.  I was sad for a second but happy that he's growing so well.
I need to go through his socks now and figure out what still fits because his feet are so big too.
My arms get tired with him after carrying him around for a little while.  He's quite the solid boy, I love it!
David is having such a fun time with him now that he is stronger.  They're so cute together.  Daniel doesn't really laugh for me but once daddy gets home he's all giggles.  I think he knows that mom is business and dad is play.  I'm just not as exciting as daddy I guess.

MISC
He's figuring out how to blow raspberries
He has some very manly farts
He still has cradle cap but its not as much
He's almost grown out of his infant car seat
We had to retire the swing because he got too big
According to David he already has great form holding a basketball.  Right, like we can tell already.
He's just so cute!

And photos for fun:

We finally got one of him in his blessing outfit, not a day too soon before he couldn't fit in it

Fist bump

Look how big I am!

And happy

And tired

And talkative

No really, I love to talk

Photo blast!!

Promised a photo blast after the last post...

He loves being outside

Tummy time success, only take him outside on the lawn

Handsome boy and a pretty flower from Brazil in mom's hair

Johnny Jumper success!

D and cousin Nicole!

He fell asleep rolling over to his belly

Riding papa's motorcycle

Hi!  I'm cute!

This is so fun!

3 months

I have to start off by saying this guy is growing fast, but its not made things any easier.

I think month 2 was easier than month 3.  Once he got his 2 month shot it was like he was a newborn again and wanted to wake up every 3 hours on the hour again.  Also he has been fighting me like crazy on BOTH sides this time when he eats.  No more favorite left side... well, most of the time.  I've found myself telling him to "act his age" and give me more than 2-3 hours in a row of sleep and to just eat because I'm trying to give him what he wants.
Wouldn't you know, the night before he turns 3 months he gives me 5 hours of straight sleep.  Maybe month 4 will get a little easier.

Here's a picture for fun

One of the few times I've seen him happy in his car seat

Some things that happened this month:
He had his baby blessing (I wasn't able to get pictures of him in his outfit, that day was too crazy.  I do plan on putting him back in it and taking a few shots because I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't get any)
He flew for the first time coming back from the family reunion.  Luckily I was with my cousin Cathy so I had an extra hand (David wasn't with me).
First few days without David at the family reunion.  I was a wreck!  I missed him so bad
The boy still hates tummy time
He is rolling from his back to his belly-- its funny because he hates being on his belly so once he gets over and realizes he's on his belly he starts fussing.  I'll let him stay on his belly for a little while then turn him back over and he'll just roll over again.  Silly boy
Second time flying, this time without any help.  Luckily babies make women happy... especially cute babies like mine.  I was able to hand him off for a few minutes while I got myself settled to a woman and she said it made her day.  Well it made mine a little easier too!
My hormone induced eczema has gotten a billion times worse.  When I get stressed (like when he fights me to eat) I start scratching my neck, my eyebrows, my forehead, the crook of my elbow, and my chin. Its not pretty.
D has a blow out almost every morning.  I feel like there is something everyday that I am soaking in oxyclean.  David got it on video

Daniel got his first heat rash
As of the other day we roughly measured D to be 16lbs and 27inches.  Love that he's growing well!

And here is an explosion of pictures, because lets be honest... thats what you want to see

finding his way to his belly

Fitting into his daddy's old shoes

Bath time!

Cousin Nicole eating his hand

I took some really cute photos before David left for Brazil and I didn't upload them and he has the camera so those will have to come later.  Maybe I'll do a blog post of just photos

2 months

First off I want to say thank you for all the support and understanding I was given after the 1 month post both in the comments and the personal emails I received.  I love knowing how we're all human and we all struggle.  Its a given part of pregnancy/motherhood and while some hide it well, I tend to be more of an open book so I was very appreciative to those that decided to open up to me.  Even though I didn't respond to any of you (and I hope you can understand why), I read each individually and more than one time.  I shed some tears of happiness and struggle but I think they were healing tears.

I said I hope month 2 was better right?  I think each month will be better than the last... or at least I hope so.  I find myself saying "I can't wait for next month when he can____________".  Right now I'm trying my best to enjoy this month and this day while I am given them.

Let me get my negatives out of the way so I can end on a happy note:
I hate my body right now.  I am SO self conscious.  I saw a photo of myself yesterday from the day before and my first thought was "I look like a house".  I really shouldn't be thinking that way especially since David is trying so hard to make sure I stay confident like he's used to.  I am trying to come up with a game plan of how I can get to the gym more often so I can feel like myself again, even if I never fit into my jeans again.  I was doing so well going on walks everyday and working this body then it got ghastly hot so I stopped.
I still struggle with the crying.  I have had to hand him over to someone or put him down somewhere and walk away a few times to clear my head and my emotions.  Sometimes that means I cry a little, most of the time it means a drink of water, some deep breaths, maybe even some walking around the apartment.
Poor little guy had to get a shot today, he was so tough.  I now hate that nurse though.  Oh and by the way... he's not so little.  At 2 months he is 26 inches and 14 lbs.  Go big baby!
He's too big to fit in his newborn napper so that is one less place for me to put him where he was always really good at sleeping.
I am not doing a good job at being a happy home maker.  I don't think I've cooked dinner in 2 weeks.  Anyone want to come over and inspire me?
He doesn't nap well during the day which means mama doesn't get a nap either.  Yay me!
He hates getting out of the bath which means the whole time we're getting him ready for bed/nursing he is screaming.  Through the lotion, the diaper, the clothing, and the swaddling up until he gets on the boob.  Thank goodness we don't bathe him everyday.

Okay, that's enough of the negatives.  Here are the lovely things that make my days:
His smiles!  Oh man his smiles can turn me from a monster mom to an angel in an instant.  Want to see one?

You can't not say "awww"

He stopped waking up every 3 hours at night.   Woop Woop!  Last night we put him down at 10:15, he woke up at 3:45 then again at 7:45.  Thank you Daniel!  The great thing is that he has done this 3 times in the last week.  Oh and he is in the crib now, big boy

First night in the crib.  He looks so small!

He has developed what we call the "fake cry".  Its one of those very light cries that sounds so pitiful sometimes you can't help but laugh.  Luckily he is doing more of these cries than the all out screaming. I'll take it!
His talking, he has got the cutest voice and squeals!  Here are a couple videos.  You may have seen one on my facebook already, but the other is great too.  His reaction to David's snort is the best!

He has now found his hand and loves to eat it.  I'll hear him sucking on his hand when I'm driving and its so loud but its so cute!
His legs are starting to get chubby.
The nipple shield is almost no longer used in this house.  Thank heavens!!
If there is a mirror and he finds himself he will start cooing.

And here is a picture showing the difference in growth from last month:

Slowly  but surely I'm starting to feel myself again and get the hang of this mommy stuff.

Can't wait to see the development he goes through this month!

1 month old... read with an open mind

I'm writing this on 5 hours of sleep (obviously not continuous) and a fussy baby that has not slept for the last 4.5 hours.  What does that compute to?  Mom and baby crying together of exhaustion!

So here it goes, I'm going to try to get through this without a negative slant to everything.  Thats what lack of sleep has done to me.

Here is a picture, thanks to Kirstin for making each of the monthly onsies:

He was so distracted by the sun through the window that I didn't get a super cute photo but this shows how long he is.

Some things about Daniel:
He loves going on walks-- David will wear the Boba with him and I will wear the Moby.  He always falls asleep, sometimes faster than others.
He will nurse without a nipple shield on the left but fights be so bad on the right that I have to use it on that side
Sometimes when he's crying and I start talking to him, he'll stop for a few seconds and smile at me, then keep crying.
I don't know his measurements, we don't have a dr's appt until next month.  If I had to guess I'd say he's at least 11 lbs and 24 inches.
He almost fits the whole width of the pack n play from head to toe.  The crib might go up sooner than expected.  I'll miss the newborn napper though, he sleeps so well in that!
He's starting to find his voice, I've gotten a handful of coos out of him.
He will fight sleep like no other (daytime)-- boo
The longest he's gone without eating is 4.5 hours, that night was great except for when my boobs woke me up before Daniel did.
His blue eyes are coming in!
He has to hold on to something when I'm nursing him.  Usually its the neck of my shirt.
I got his first non-hysterically crying bath in last night.  Here's to hoping there are more!
He smiles like crazy in his sleep, he'll even laugh.  Thats my favorite moment to catch.
He has so many facial expressions!
Usually he is on a good routine instigated almost entirely by him: eat every 3 hours.
Mornings suck.  I'm always exhausted from the night and he loves to be wide awake and fuss enough to occupy me.  This morning he was awake for 4.5 hours before finally falling back asleep.  Needless to say all I've done so far is eat a Nutrigrain bar.

Here is a cute photo to remind me of how I get through each day:

I know so many are saying on both sides whether or not he looks like a Foster or a Nordstrom.  To be completely honest, I see him the most, all his facial expressions, and I don't think he looks distinctly like one or the other.  He just looks like himself, like Daniel, he's got his own look.  I know its natural for both sides to say this and I don't know why it bothers me, but he's both and he looks like both.

I was going to come on here saying how I think its a load of BS for moms to say how wonderful being a mom is.  Well guess what, I don't think its wonderful yet.  Its plain hard and exhausting.  It does have its wonderful moments, but its honestly the hardest thing I've ever done... and I've done some difficult things in my life.  I also hear how it will get better, this time will pass, yada yada.  I hope for my sanity's sake it does.  Being a mother is seriously the most selfless thing I've ever done.
Go ahead and say I have PPD, I don't think I do.  I think I'm just tired and I have a good reason to be.  Did you see how cute he is?  Yeah, I made that, I grew that and I continue to grow that.

If you do decide to comment, be gentle and tactful please.  I have a bit of a short fuse these days.  Maybe next month will be a funner post, I'm sure that will be dependent on his sleeping patters.

Birth Story of Baby Daniel

Okay, here it goes... the day of delivery!

Monday, May 7th.

8:30am- Membrane strip 3cm dilation 80% effacement
go home, bounce on ball, walk around, get some food
11:00am- Membrane strip 4cm dilation 80% effacement
Dr tells me to check in to Labor and Delivery

Because I was tested positive for Group B Strep they wanted to have about 2 doses of penicillin in my system before the baby came.  This meant they had to do an induction.

At about 11:45am we got checked in to the hospital.  They started me on a low dose of pitocin and a diluted dose of penicillin.  They had to change the pitocin level because the contractions that came were a little too hard and too close already.  I was doing okay, bouncing on the ball, watching tv with David, but all within the confines of the tubes in my arm.
Mmmm... lime flavored ice chips
And some more...

4:00pm- Second dose of penicillin.  It BURNED so bad!  I have to admit that I cried.  More lime flavored ice chips.  At this point I was about 4+cm dilation and 90% effaced but my cervix was still a little high.

5:00pm- Dr arrives at the hospital, does a check, and decides to break my water.  YOWZA the contractions started hurting like crazy!
I tried to breathe through it but I literally could not catch my breath because I was crying so hard from the pain.
I had originally planned on trying to do a med-free delivery but as you can read this is already turning out to not go according to plan.
At this point I was struggling to breathe and my mom kept telling me that I don't have to try to be superwoman and go without the epidural.  When the nurses walked out and I was still struggling to catch my breath I decided to get the epidural because I didn't think I could go much further without it.

5:30pm- Anesthesiologist arrives with the epidural cart and walks me through every step he has to go through to administer it.  That man was amazing.  So smart and kind.  I really appreciated him telling me exactly what he was doing and why he was doing it.  He had to give me a little extra dosage because it wasn't working as fast as he had planned and I was still feeling the contractions hard enough to be uncomfortable.  He figured it was because of my height.  Eventually I was numb enough to get some shut eye.

6:00pm- 5cm, 90% effacement

8:00pm- 7cm, 90% effacement, station 2

10:15pm- 10cm, 100% effaced, ready to push!

I start pushing with the nurse holding one leg and David holding the other (I can't feel my legs so they have to help).  David was seriously the most amazing coach I could have.  He said all the right things through the contractions to push.

11:20pm- My Dr gets pulled out of the room because the woman next door is crowning and needs him to catch the baby ASAP.

11:30pm- Dr is back and says there is no more room to stretch, they will have to do an episiotomy (also something I wanted to avoid).  Cut number 1, push push push... its still too tight to get the baby out.  He has to cut me again.  Cut number 2, push push push.  Dr says the next round of contractions should get the baby out.

I'm watching the clock at this point because May 8th is in about 20 minutes and that is our anniversary. I do not want this baby to come on our anniversary, he needs his own day and we need ours.

David tells me that this is the last round of pushing and we'll have our son here so I give it my all and it worked!

11:47pm- Baby is considered born!  They clear out his passageways, David cuts the cord (go David!), nurses start talking in gibberish about his color and crying.  They give him to me for maybe 20 seconds then take him away too quickly.  They do the weight and length measurements (9lbs 6oz, 23 inches) really quick before they tell me they have to take him to the nursery to do some oxygen treatment because he's not crying the way he should and his color isn't getting pink fast enough.

Look at that hair!  What a surprise!

At least a half an hour passes (sense of time has totally gone out the window at this point) with David and the baby gone from the testing I start getting really anxious.  The nurse is still in with me pressing on my uterus to get blood out, pressing on my bladder to get more urine out, taking my blood pressure and temperature.

After what seems like forever, David and Daniel return.  They give Daniel to me to try to nurse him.  Because of a few different factors he isn't able to latch so my mom tells the nurse to get a nipple shield. She brings one in and he starts eating like a champ.  We also notice more at this point that Daniel has a sub dural hematoma.  The Dr assures me that it should be gone in about 2 weeks.

At this point we're set enough to be able to go to post partom.

The room is TINY, the bed isn't long enough, and David goes home to sleep.  Not a great start to my recovery.  At about 4am the nurses come in to take me to the bathroom.  I didn't know my bladder could hold so much!

I maybe slept a half hour because of all the poking, the short bed, and the sore parts from delivery.

Luckily the next day the daytime nurses were awesome and found me an extension for my bed.  I didn't know relief could be so sweet!

Recovery has been so difficult up to this point between the stitches healing, soreness from pushing, constipation (made worse by the percocet), etc.

Waking up at night isn't as bad as I thought, but I have my moments when I get frustrated.  Luckily Daniel is starting to figure out how to latch without the shield because those things are so annoying!

Anyway, things are getting better and we're loving this long little guy we have.  Here are a cluster of photos for your enjoyment:

Time to go home!

Look at those long legs

He is out after a walk outside

Tummy time with Daddy